To Go Home and other ramblings
So I’m headed home tomorrow for pretty much a month and I’m not sure how I feel. I’m excited to see my friends and family and relax somewhere much calmer than New York but I’m going to get bored. Okay, I don’t know that for a fact but I’m pretty damn sure of it. I’m going to miss my Pratt friends. I’ll have fun at home and all but it won’t be the same kind of fun that I have with my friends here. Not to mention it’ll be a little awkward talking about the B. situation (Remember that crush I talked about a while back?? That’s the awkward thing) which is pretty much the only significant thing (in terms of romance/lust which is always the first thing anyone asks about) that’s happened in the last little while. I just worry that my friends from high school don’t really know me anymore. I’ve changed so much. My best friend and I still talk a lot and stuff but there are things that even she doesn’t know and I don’t know how to tell her or really any of my other friends from home for that matter. It’s easier to talk about that stuff if you’re talking to a stranger or someone in the same situation.
Also, I don’t really think they’d understand much about what goes on here. I’m pretty sure that none of my friends from home have ever had to pull eleven all nighters in twenty one days only to receive two C+s and one B for final review or had a professor tell them to their face that their work is utter shit and that they’re going to fail…three times.
I don’t know, things are just so much different now. I don’t know what I’m going to do without Pratt for a month.
And there are a few things I’d like to say to some people:
I know you disapprove of my new habits and I hate that you called her in distress about it. If it upset you that much, you should’ve talked to me about it. Maybe I would’ve quit. You should know me better than anyone, but you don’t know one of the most important things that makes me me. And the sad part is, I’ll probably never be able to tell you.
I don’t actually want to see you at all. You were a good friend to me and everything, but I honestly don’t think I’ll be able to stand you when I finally have to see you.
I know you’re excited about this relatively new development in your life and you’re going to want to talk about it and they’re going to want to hear about it and how wonderful everything is and all that nonsense but when it comes down to it, I don’t want to hear about it. Also, jealously is a bitch. You’ll probably think I’m jealous of you but you’re as blind as the rest of them.
I know it seems a lot like I’m keeping tabs on you and I am, kind of. I just wish we were friends like we used to be so that I could talk to you. You’re a conceited asshole and a self obsessed douche bag but you’re intellectually stimulating and I was in love with you for four years so it’s a little difficult for me to let go.
You’re not actually at home but I wish you were. I want to show you how well I’m doing here, I want you to miss me the way I miss you.
Lastly, you’re someone from here, not from home. I was actually intentionally rude to you this week. It’s how I get over people. I have to hate you to get over you. Sorry if it irritated you or something, I doubt I’m worth you getting upset over. After all, I’m just a plaything, right? Honestly, you hurt me and I’m too proud to show it, but you did. I fell hard and fast. I always do. You gave me a taste and I want more, but I don’t want to share. I can’t have both. And aside from that, when you’re around a lot of people, you become a little bit irritating because all you do is talk. But I still want you despite my better judgment.
I suppose that’s all for now. If you think one of them is about you, it probably isn’t.
Okay, sleep for three hours before I have to wake up for a looooong Monday.
@2 days ago